Yesterday I read some short saying from chuck bass in GG. It goes like this
"We're holding on to the pain because it's all we have left."
Then suddenly it just hit me. Like ZAP. seriously. Cause when I read this suddenly I realize that the same thing is true about Hanis and Me. We're not even together and our relationship just ended. I ended the relationship because I think I'm not ready and all. We've been fighting and arguing a lot. It's not him. But it's me. I'm the one who seem to dig out a shit and start a fight. And now we trying to be just-friends. But ever since we broke up. He's nice to me and all. Started to act like I'm his girlfriend again. Then all started again. He's always pushing me to go further and wanted to continue our relationship and all. I gave him million reasons not to. Why? Because I just don't want to and maybe it's because I'm not ready or maybe it's because I don't love him enough. Or maybe I don't love him at all. Whoa, now there's a scary thought. But hey, I can't keep lying to myself right? Somehow I just have to tell him the truth. I don't want to be a dickhead. I have to tell him. Now or never. I should and I would. No more lying. Because I am certainly not a liar. x
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